EMO Spotted at Hungry Jacks Exclusive Report

Many thought that the emo population was growing out of control in central Brisbane. For at least a year now, the emos are believed to be the owners of the Queen Street Mall's Hungry Jacks. Today emo representative Jack "Pain" Frelle confirmed for LIER Magazine that the rumour was true, and that Hungry Jacks Store Manager Max Langley is a huge fan of emo band Panic! At the Disco.

The focus of today's emo news is centralled around a young girl named Emily D'estrang who is a regular participant of the emo clique's daily loitering exercise outside Hungry Jacks. Unfortunately, due to an unexpected spill onto her usual gothic-esque outfit, she had to venture out wearing clothes borrowed from her sister Jessa. LIER Magazine's very own undercover emo John "Death Angel" Hunter went deep within the emo community of Brisbane to interview Emily and this is her recollection of the events that occurred after meeting with her emo friends:

"I went up to them and I yelled, "You!" like I always do when I greet them, but they looked at me weirdly and turned away. It was like they didn't even know me. I told Mick, "It's me Emily. What is going on?" And then Cassie pulled him away from me. I felt so left out, it almost made me depressed. They were being so stupid so I decided to just go walk around the mall, and for the first time ever, people were smiling at me and saying hi. I couldn't take all the friendliness and smiles, it just sickened me and I began to cry."

Truly that was a very, very moving story of an emo who, for the first time in her emo phase did not wear black. This is a horribly pathetic reflection on the stereotypes and standards that exist within our Brisbane. The last we heard from Hunter was when he was busted for being a "phoney". He forgot to open up his Whopper the "emo" way and the emos immediately shunned and threatened to go write a sad poem and sing a sad song about sad poets without him. Needless to say, Hunter was hurt deep inside by this exclusion and had a mental breakdown at the scene. Unfortunately we have lost contact with him, but he was last spotted upstairs in Hungry Jacks taking full advantage of the free drink refills because all pseudo-emos secretly like Fanta.

In another emo-related news release, the Brisbane emos have been urged by the state government to boycott this weekend's Black Sabbath concert. Unfortunately, premier Peter Beattie has the IQ of a snail and has confused emo culture with satanism, and the emos were far too busy applying their wrist makeup to notice. It is quite possible that Mr Beattie is more intelligent than we just made him out to be and that he is having a rather witty stab at both communities, but LIER founder Alf Liero tips readers to place their money on the former alongside his $26 billion AUD.