In an unexpected announcement today, American publisher Henry Luce, founder of TIME Magazine issued a statement saying, "Our social analysts have discovered that TIME Magazine is no longer having the impact on the world like it did back in 1941. We have decided that what the magazine needs is not a change in management, but a change in name." Mr Luce revealed to our junior reporter Jason Thatcher that the idea for change was inspired by LIER Magazine. Believing that it was exactly the kind of reworking that TIME needed, Mr Luce has given an honourable donation of $40,000 USD to his local doctor's clinic where he first perused an old issue of LIER.
"LIER Magazine is the future," said field reporter Aaron Becks from our long-time rival TREWTHTELLAR Magazine. Later today he appeared in court, charged with accepting a bribe from LIER Magazine Head of Newstainment Rudi Blass. Mr Blass was also called to appear in court but was quick to assure the prowling journalists he would "bribe his way out of it".
Mr Luce told LIER that the change will be a $3.6 billion development. He expressed that TIME will have no regrets changing the official trademark to TIEM. The process may take up to 4 months, with renowned graphics designer Leon Myra as head of the development team. Mr Myra commented that this would be "his toughest challenge yet" and that the task assigned would be a test of his Photoshopping skills. His colleagues showed their true colours at the interview, displaying a mix of both congratulations and envy at the same time by the same person, for which an English word does not exist.
To anticipate the momentous name change, TIME Asia recalled 5.2 million copies of last week's issue from China. Head of TIME Asia Stanley Cheung stated, "If this change is to occur, it would be unacceptable if the correct Chinese characters in the correct order on the magazine's cover." Someone is yet to step up and correct his grammar. Several commoners in rural China were sentenced to capital punishment after refusing to return their copy of TIME. An unnamed source has reported that it was due to a miscommunication by TIME Asia, whom, for whatever reason, decided to issue the recall statement in Wingdings font.
"LIER Magazine is the future," said field reporter Aaron Becks from our long-time rival TREWTHTELLAR Magazine. Later today he appeared in court, charged with accepting a bribe from LIER Magazine Head of Newstainment Rudi Blass. Mr Blass was also called to appear in court but was quick to assure the prowling journalists he would "bribe his way out of it".
Mr Luce told LIER that the change will be a $3.6 billion development. He expressed that TIME will have no regrets changing the official trademark to TIEM. The process may take up to 4 months, with renowned graphics designer Leon Myra as head of the development team. Mr Myra commented that this would be "his toughest challenge yet" and that the task assigned would be a test of his Photoshopping skills. His colleagues showed their true colours at the interview, displaying a mix of both congratulations and envy at the same time by the same person, for which an English word does not exist.
To anticipate the momentous name change, TIME Asia recalled 5.2 million copies of last week's issue from China. Head of TIME Asia Stanley Cheung stated, "If this change is to occur, it would be unacceptable if the correct Chinese characters in the correct order on the magazine's cover." Someone is yet to step up and correct his grammar. Several commoners in rural China were sentenced to capital punishment after refusing to return their copy of TIME. An unnamed source has reported that it was due to a miscommunication by TIME Asia, whom, for whatever reason, decided to issue the recall statement in Wingdings font.
TIME Magazine to Change Name
![TIME Magazine to Change Name]()
Reviewed by Binjamin McJuice
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